Tuesday, November 28, 2006

i don't know where we went wrong but the feelings gone, and i just cant get it back

i was done. i was finished. i hate music. "fuck it," i said to myself, holding back tears after loading my synth and my amps for the final sad lives of the hollywood lovers show. "fuck it"

i didnt listen to music that night, on the long car ride home. or the next night. i didnt even listen to note one when i drove to or from new york. alone. "i'll throw myself back into film." the days and weeks that followed were hard ones. a band break up is a lot like breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend, but without the possibility of make-up sex. it's just bitter. and hard. and you have to re-find yourself.

i spent the long, sleepless nights watching movies. i'd buy as many as were worth watching from the 5-for-$11 bin at walmart, til i ran out and would go back to re-stock. but i was done with music. fuck it.

one night, i cant explain it...i just walked past the now-emptying bin, straight for the music. before i realized what i had done, i was sitting in the parking lot of walmart at 4:30am with his face staring back at me. "okay,
fine. i'll just listen to it. i payed for the thing. might was well." i sat in the walmart parking lot and finished the whole thing. this album reminds me of my family, my loves, myself. i only wish i could thank him for his words beyond the grave that have helped me not hate music. thank you john.


JOHNNY CASH-American V: A Hundred Highways

rel. date: July 4, 2006

Label: Lost Highway

my brother went to four of their shows. he followed them city to city to city, hounding the band members because he KNEW they had the limited pressing of their previous ep on vinyl and he wanted to get it for me for christmas because he thought i MIGHT like it. i did. a lot. i dont know what to say about this. i cant sum it up. i cant even wrap my head around the honesty and truth in the words of this. so i'll just post it and hope that someone else knows what i mean.


THESE ARMS ARE SNAKES-Oxeneers or The Lion Sleeps When Its Antelope Go Home
rel. date: September 21, 2004
Label: Jade Tree


Big Cougar said...

Tough break on the sad lives. But music and I are glad you're back. What a rad way to start the countdown.

Papa Shoegaze said...

its our destiny
think aunt betty on drums and uncle chester strumming under the old oak trees...

jphillip said...

Cash is coming soon in my Top 25. nice pull for an appetizer.